You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
