Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
