You just made me feel so damn special
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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