smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
