HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
