First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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