Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
