i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
