Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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