I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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