just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
