They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
