How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize
