I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
