So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
