I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
