i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
