I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
