its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
