I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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