For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
