We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
