I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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