I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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