In the future we'll all be gay
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
