ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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