he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
