So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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