I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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