Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
two words: eviction party
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
