I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
