I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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