I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
