Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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