Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
