he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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