the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
