God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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