You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
