if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
