Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
