So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
