Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
