if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
