as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
