these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
