yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
