I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
