Swine flu. Run for my life!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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