That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
