hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
