Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
