She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
