at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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